Declining A Co-host Offer

Recently, I was called by a girl who would like assistance in co-hosting a baby shower for one of our friends. I am not that friendly with this girl, she happens to be friends with the mother-to-be. This girl and the mother-to-be have already selected the date, the place, time, etc. for the shower.

My feeling is that if she genuinely wanted a co-host she would of consulted me prior to making all of the shower arrangements and my feeling is that the call was for financial assistance (although not blatantly stated as such).

The girl planning the shower is controlling and very difficult personality type. How do I cordially decline her request to co-host the shower and not make it sound like an excuse? I appreciate your insight and recommendation for this current scenario as well as any recommendations to communicate proper etiquette to this person.

Our Answer:


Thank you for your etiquette question. I am guessing that you would like to decline the invitation to co-host in a way that will still allow you to attend the baby shower as a guest.

I'm afraid that the best way to handle this situation is to be honest as possible. (She will most likely raise an eyebrow to some made up story and you will feel silly giving one.)

The facts are that you would like to attend the shower but not spend your time and finances to also help her plan the shower.

So if I were in this situation I would say something like...

"Sorry, my limited time and finances won't allow me to help you co-host, but I will be sure to be at the shower to show my support for (name).

No need to worry about excuses, even if her personality is such that she will push for more. Just kindly and firmly stand your ground that it would be too overwhelming for you to help host but you are more than willing to show your support by attending the shower.

If she chooses to be offended, it is her choice, but you have been more than gracious to tell her the truth about the situation.

Good luck!

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My advice
by: Darla

It does sound like you are coming in at the last minute to help, but I would still do it if I am good friends with the mom to be. I would just watch it if you are on a limited budget and the other hostess is going nuts with "over the top" expenses. You might need to rein her in a bit. But the overall reason for the baby shower is to help your friend out, so I would do it if I were close to her. You can throw an amazing baby shower on a budget, and 2 people make it easier than one.

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