Double Shower

by Mindy
(Illinois)

My daughter-in-law is expecting. Of course I am throwing her a shower. This is their first. My question is, my sister-in-law announced over the holidays that she and my brother were expecting their third child.

We were trying to figure out a neutral location for the shower (for my daughter-in-law) and my sister-in-law spoke up and offered to have it at their house, being it would be about half-way for everybody. The only thing is she requested that we not make it a shower for her to. I'm not sure about this.

I spoke to several family members and they want to include both, a dual shower if you will. What can we do to include her in some small way and also honor her request?

Our Answer:

Hi Mindy,

Thanks for your baby shower etiquette question. I can see this situation from both sides and can see how it can be a little difficult for you. It is most likely that the family wants the baby showers combined for convience. Which is ok, but there are some complications.

#1. It is your daughter in law's first baby and sister in law's third. They are in different points in their lives. Your daughter in law will be needing lots supplies, and your sister in law will not need so many(depending on the age gap from baby 2 to baby 3).

#2. Both guests of honor need to agree to a double baby shower for it to work out. In this case, your sister in law doesn't. You didn't mention if she is expecting a separate shower or not so I am not sure her full intentions with using her house as the place for the shower.

#3. Double showers force the guests to buy 2 gifts instead of the traditional gift. It has been my experience in the double showers that I have attended that people usually spend less on the gifts because of the need to buy 2.

Not that your family will do this, but it is a natural reaction in most cases for guests to do so.

My advice: If you choose to use your sister in law's house for the baby shower, you will need to respect her wishes and make the baby shower strictly for your daughter in law. Since your family have voiced their opinions on it already, you might be getting questions on your choice.

It is my guess that your sister in law is not wanting to take away from your daughter in law's lime light. Which is very admirable of her.

If your sister in law is expecting her own baby shower, a baby sprinkle would be an appropriate baby shower for her. You can read up about it in the types of baby showers section. Or she could do a "meet and greet" open house once the baby arrives to allow the family to share in her joy as a third time mom.

I hope that helps. Good Luck planning the baby shower!