Guests Addressing Their Own Thank You Notes

by confused
(Pittsburgh, PA)

Is it tacky for the guests to write their own return addresses on the envelopes for the "thank you cards"?

Our Answer:

Hi there,

This is a highly debated topic these days in the baby shower forums. It has created quite a stir with people debating on both sides of it.

For those of you who don't know, this is a baby shower door prize that was made to help take some of the stress off of the mom-to-be when she is writing her thank you cards. The guests fill out an envelope when they arrive with their name and address. It is placed in a basket when they are done. During the baby shower, the hostess draws out a few envelopes and those guests receive door prizes. I even have it listed in my door prize idea section, because it has caught on and is seen a lot at baby showers.

Just to give you a sampling of what people are saying about it...

On one side: It really does help the mom-to-be. When she is done writing the thank you note, she slips it in the envelope and sends it off in the mail. She does not have to dig to find the current address for each person, so it does take a step out for her. And there are circumstances, like a baby shower with relatives and friends of the husband, whom she barely knows and does not have addresses for. It can take quite some time to track them all down.

On the flip side: The guests have taken the time to buy a present and come to the shower to show their support for the mom-to-be. And they have to...what?? Fill out their own thank you envelope?

If you do choose to do this baby shower game, you will take the chance of offending someone. Most offended people will not say anything about it and participate, or maybe you will get a raised eyebrow here and there. But the fact that it is debated so heavily in the forums leads me to believe that there are a good amount of people who feel it is poor taste. Others will think it is a wonderful idea, since it does help the mom-to-be.

I personally would have no problem with addressing my own envelope as a guest. They are not writing their thank you note; they are just addressing the envelope. If it helps the mom-to-be out, I am all for doing it.

I hope that helps. Good Luck with the baby shower!

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Comments for Guests Addressing Their Own Thank You Notes

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Please DO NOT ask shower guests to address their own thank you envelope!!
by: April

Rude and tacky. Enough said.

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Rude
by: Anonymous

Why don't you just pass around envelopes asking people to put money into them to help out the mom to be?

I addressed all of my thank you notes, by hand and not one was the same as another. It is not that I had more time, it is just that I felt such joy by those who chose to be there and that my life was so much better because they were a part of this special moment, how could I possibly not do this for them?

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Social media has changed the rules a bit...
by: Anonymous

I would not think it is tacky at all. We are throwing a shower for a well love church member that has many, many friends we have invited. In today's age with social media being a big venue for creating an event to send invites, such as a baby shower, there are no address involved for the mother-to-be to "have on hand" or "look up in an address book". It could take quite a bit of time to locate all the addresses. If the issue is addressing the envelopes themselves, what is wrong with a guest sheet, signing their names and requesting the addresses.

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WOW
by: Anonymous

I guess my family is weird because we have a good time with those envelopes. Names such as "The greatest cousin I have", "Your favorite", "The most beautiful person I know", etc. with the appropriate address. Some of us snuck in thank you cards and wrote our own. Such as "Thank you for being such a loving cousin and giving us ____ because we would have never thought of that." or "We are certainly blessed to have you in our lives. You are the most wonderful person in the world", etc. When I received my note, the mom to be added her humorous comments. Of course, we called each other to find out what else was written and joked around about it. It is a happy occasion and laughter goes along with it.

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Egregious sin!!!
by: Anonymous

This is one of THE most horribly tacky and offensive things anyone can do...how is it hard to find the latest addresses? If they were invited then the person throwing the shower will have them. Does no one own a computer to print out address labels? I've been invited to share in a celebration of a new baby but let's be honest - I've also been invited with the expectation I will bring a gift. And now you are asking me to write my own address on an envelope? Where does it stop? Should I bring my own stamp too? Maybe I should note what my gift was on the corner of the envelope in a pencil as a reminder. People have spent their hard earned money on throwing a shower and bringing a gift out of love and regard for the mother. The LEAST she can do is throw a label on a thank you card.

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to sign or not to sign
by: Anonymous

wow!! I Thought it was a good idea ...now feel kinda silly ..just trying to make my daughters next few months a bit easier ...what prudes to say it is tacky ..all among good friends and family who cares !!

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Who has time for this?
by: Anonymous

Seriously? People get offended when asked to address an envelope? Ridiculous!!!

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Side note
by: Anonymous

Yes, you may have provided the baby gift...but you also ate food purchased or made by someone else, and won prizes purchased and made by someone else, at a party decorated and paid for by someone else. So for all you get to enjoy, what is the harm in adding an address to an envelope? In connection with another comment, please keep in mind that not all showers are small and intimate. Some cultures have very large co-ed events with over 50 guests. Any pre-conceived notions of what is appropriate or not should be left to decide once you are there.

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Help a woman out!
by: Anonymous

I think making this into a door prize eases anyone's dislike for the helping hand. Personally, you have NO IDEA what the mother-to-be has going on and how much help the pre-addressed envelopes would be. In addition, and most importantly, this allows for the mother-to-be to thank guests for ATTENDING rather than just thanking those that provided gifts. I know that when my baby is due, I will also be in the process of renting out my house and preparing to move to Japan while my husband will be across the continent in aviation school. I could use all the help I could get when it comes to expressing gratitude for my guests.

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index cards?
by: Anonymous

I just threw a fantastic shower and I just used index cards for two reasons, we had a door prize game but when it came time to open gifts, I just flipped those cards over and wrote down what each guest brought to the party. That way, our MTB had both the address and the gifts in hand to address her own thank you cards.

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To a previous commenter
by: Anonymous

Previous comment- if you were angry that you were not individually thanked for helping, why were you even helping at all? Good for you for helping but how selfish of you just to help someone to get something in return. I would never do anything for anyone if I knew I would be bitter if I wasn't recognized for it. You should be helping your friends/family because you care, and it should in itself make you feel good that you helped even if you were not recognized at all!

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Great Idea! And those who think it's not, get over yourselves!!!
by: Anonymous

Wow..Some of the comments on here are ridiculous! If you are that angry about writing your address on an envelope at a shower you CHOSE to come to and you CHOSE to bring them a gift, why are you even getting them a gift at all!? You are so rude and tacky yourself for being selfish enough to not WANT to save even 5-10 minutes for the mom-to-be! Are you kidding me!? You are bringing a gift as a selfless act, why would you even EXPECT a thank you anyway!? I have 3 showers to go to this week and I am bringing them each a gift because they are my friends and I want them to be prepared, and I will do whatever I can to help them! And that includes saving even 30 seconds (and their hand cramping from writing so much) to write my own address. In fact, since I am giving them a gift out of love, I don't care if they thank me for it at all! How rude to expect that! The showers I go to are not 8 people though, each have 25-30, or more people. So addresses save more like an hour of time. Either way, write your dang address, put a smile on your face and let them know you are there to support them, not make them feel like that have to be perfect in every way possible just because that's how they used to do it! Sheesh! Get over yourselves!! It is people like you who make it that much harder being a new mother! As long as your kids are loved and taken care of, who cares what you used to do way back when! If you really think it is that tacky/rude to write your address on an envelope, then turn around and go back home, you rude and inconciderate selfish crazies! You don't need to be there anyway!

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more than rude
by: Anonymous

So tacky. I recently went to a baby shower for a friend of my sisters. My sister hosted and I was asked to help with the party, which I did. We cleaned, cooked and decorated.

I filled out the envelope as asked and still have not gotten a thank you note. I bought gifts from both another sister of mine and I, wrapped them and got the card and signed. My sister got a thank you note, her name only on it, thanking us both. To add insult to injury, when I asked my sister if she got one, she said, yes but read it and threw it away. She mentioned that the mother thanked us both for our help and the gifts. I am so upset, I will not help again.

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Beyond tacky
by: Anonymous

Not only was I asked to address my own envelope but I was supposed to write on the back of the card what I gave as a gift. I felt like I should have stamped the envelope as well. By the way, it's the Mom's first baby and there were 8 people at the shower. This is beyond tacky. If the hostess wants to help the Mom, maybe they should address the envelopes since they had the address in the first place to send the invite.

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Really people?
by: Anonymous

Is it really that big of a deal to address your own envelope?

I'd rather not have such uptight peephole at my shower anyways; stress isn't good for the baby, you know.

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Insincere Gratitude
by: Anonymous

Why not just have the guests write their own thank you notes while they're at it....better yet, since thank you notes have become nothing more than getting an X in the box, why not just abolish the practice altogether!

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Addressing your own envelopes
by: Anonymous

I think this is completely rude to ask a guest to address their own thank you notes. The mom-to be does not have to "dig" anything. It's a matter of opening an address book or getting the guest list from the shower planner. What are we talking about -an extra 5-10 minutes of writing here? Women used to do it all. I'm ashamed to say that these little shortcuts are just plain rude and lazy. My mother would have read me the riot act had I ever considered this for my baby shower. My own children have written thank you notes and still do to this day. If someone takes the time for you the very least you can do is be thankful and not so lazy you can't write a few lines on an envelope. I refuse to do it and would rather not get a thank you note if it's too time consuming for the mom to be. Should I save time for myself and bring the gift in the bag I purchased it in or better yet should I bring the wrapping paper for the mom to be to wrap it herself? How sad that writing an envelope has become so tedious a task for women. What an example this mom to be will set for her children.

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