Hosting My Own Shower

I am a single parent, for two children soon. I want to have a shower to invite my friends over to meet my new baby.

I am not close at all to my family, either physically or emotionally. The baby's (actually, the father of both) is willing to host, but isn't it generally supposed to be a woman hosting?

I want to invite one friend, but she just lost her youngest son in Afghanistan. Is that tacky? I don't want to hurt her feelings either a) by leaving her out, or b) by making her think about her son.

What do I do? I am practically broke and having a hard time with this pregnancy. I have lost 25 lbs. in 3 months because of worry.
Help me please, thanks.

Our Answer:


Thank you for your etiquette questions. The only time that it is okay for a mom to be to host her own shower is called a "meet and greet" or a "sip and see". Since your party fits the requirements for a "meet and greet" it is acceptable to have one. A meet and greet is held after the baby is born. It can be held by the mom at her residence or at another residence. It is a little like an open house where guests can come and celebrate in the new baby.

It is a relaxed event with refreshments. Guests can come and chat as they take turns holding the baby. A gift is not required at a meet in greet, but most guests will bring gifts as a token of friendship.

Now, I will answer the question about your friend who just lost her son. This is a very heartbreaking and sad time for her. You can definitely hurt her feelings more by inviting or not inviting her to the party. The best way to deal with this situation is to talk to her. Let her know that you are going to have a celebration for your new baby but also know that it is a very hard time for her. Let her know that she is invited if she would like to come, but you also understand if it is too painful for her to attend.

The best thing you can do for her during her hard time is to be there for her. She will be going through different levels of grieving and will need someone who will let her talk about it when she needs it.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and the baby shower!

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