I HATE My Husband's Sister!

I am not a big fan of my husbands' mother and sister. I have tried to mend strained relationships with his mother, however, the sister is another story. This is the same sister who called my home after the birth of my daughter, who is now 3 years old, and left profanity filled messages on my recorder because her mom and I got into a disagreement. His sister has never once apologized or acknowledged she was wrong and/or out of line.

My friends are throwing me a baby shower next month, as we are expecting a boy this time. I provided the hostesses with a guest list and I invited my mother-in-law. One of the hostess said it was wrong to not invite the sister and now my husband is giving me grief about it as well.

This shower is at my home and I feel as though I should not be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home and have to act as if there are not any hard or ill feelings between the two of us...in my opinion, that is fake. What is your take on this? Thanks.

Our Answer:

Hi there,

Thank you for your etiquette question. First of all, let me say that as the guest of honor, it is your opinion that matters the most. I have always given the advice that if there is someone that would cause bad feelings or tension at a baby shower that it is best not to invite them. A baby shower should be a happy celebration. It is a celebration of life and love. The last thing you want to have happen is a family shout out or brawl.

Your husband and hostesses are trying to help smooth over a bad situation and make everyone feel happy and included. Which is understandable. What you need to look at is how not including her in the baby shower might effect family relationships in the future. It sounds like you do not want to save what is left of the relationship you have with her. By not inviting her, it will send a clear message as she will know that a baby shower was held without her. With the strained relationship with your mother in law, she might also be causing strife when she finds out her daughter is not invited.

It is your final decision, but you are not wrong to not include her in the festivities. Your husband probably feels torn between the women in his life, but it is his responsibility to back you up in your decision as I am sure he will hear more that his share about this from his family.

I hope you have a wonderful, relaxing and happy baby shower. Good Luck!