Mother In Law's Role At A Baby Shower

What should the mother in law bring to the shower?
Should she reimburse the mother, who is hosting the shower? If so what amount?

Our Answer:

Hi,

Thank you for your baby shower etiquette question. The answer to this question would depend if the mother in law is a hostess at the baby shower or not. If the mother in law is a hostess, she should definitely contribute to the baby shower, whether her contribution is time or money. If the mother in law is a guest, her job is simply to show up with a gift and be supportive to the mom to be.

It is the hostesses' responsibility to cover any expenses that are associated with hosting the baby shower. There are no requirements under baby shower etiquette for the mother in law to pay any amount to cover the baby shower if she is not one of the hostesses. She can always offer money or other ways to help out, but she is not required to do so under baby shower etiquette.

I hope that helps. Good luck with the baby shower!

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thank you letter
by: Anonymous

Should the mother-in-law get a thank you for her gifts at the first two baby showers?

Second question: Should the mother-in-law receive a thank you for her gifts at a third baby shower, which the mother-in-law hosted?"

Everyone says yes! What about you?

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Do not know what to do
by: Anonymous

I am the mother in law as well. I have offered from day one to help. My sons fiance' said she wanted to "do it herself" because she wanted a theme and particulars. I told her to let someone else take on that burden. She said she wanted what she wanted. I was a little taken back as they are young and do not have a lot of money, however respected her wishes. Now I find out that her mom is planning a shower and the story has changed. I told her I want to help but now do not understand my role, she is very set in her ways and particular. She does not want anything used and wants certain brands and styles. I am annoyed but do not want to upset the apple cart and say anything. I feel pushed away a bit and not sure how to go about it. I am thinking I should talk with my son directly.

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Ungrateful daughter in laws
by: Anonymous

My name was put on the invitation as hosting the baby shower along with her mom without me knowing...so as the NICE. MIL I paid for 1/2 and all I got was yelled at and hurt by my daughter in law. She took over everything. It was so obvious that she was hosting her own baby shower that people noticed and it was embarrassing..we also loved her as our own,but now it will take some time to get over this.

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Mother-in-laws
by: Anonymous

My son and I don't ever see each other, but I got a bill to pay for his rehearsal dinner and flowers for his wedding, now his new wife has informed me where her shower will be and will let me know how much I will have to pay, yeah, I'm one of those mother in laws that won't be paying to attend my grand childs baby shower.

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Godmother
by: 98northwood

I think, if the family chooses to Baptize the child, then the Godmother should assume the roll of getting things going with the mother-to-be's mother; something like a Jack & Jill or bridal shower with the Maid of Honor and the bride's mom. There is no reason the hostess cannot ask for advise or help in preparation (splitting up the responsibilities such as invitations, decorations, food and location decision)

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Both v. Interpersonal and what to wear
by: TN MOTHER (in law)

My son and daughter-in-law live in CA , both born and raised there. I am flying in for the baby shower even though money is tight. I had hoped I could stay with them two nights but my son said he is too busy and wife's pregnancy difficult. Her sister hosting and I received invite. My daughter, 18 years older, will be there with her 3 daughtersears.) ( all of which have not spoken to me for 14 y). A lot on tension , real or perceived). So I am asking, what do I wear,, high fashion or plain? And do I give a passive presence or something more assurtive?

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What's-UP?
by: Anonymous

I agree with your comments...yea.someday she will be a mother-in-law. then we'll see how SHElikes it. and the son remembers how close he was to his parents.

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mother not invited
by: Anonymous

I am helping a friend throw a baby shower for her daughter. First grandchild. The mother in law is throwing a very small private bridal shower the weekend before and my friend is not invited. However, the soon to be mommies stepmother is invited. My friend and her ex husband's wife have gotten along fabulously at every wedding and bridal shower up until this point and they do not have animosity. So I'm very confused by the mother in law is not inviting my friend.Personally, I'm appalled. Does anyone else find this weird and highly inappropriate?

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What up with Daughter in Laws
by: Anonymous

They are self centered and all about them. Believe me... I'm not going to my daughter in laws shower, I offered a Jack & Jill for both my son and her, which my son wanted, he wanted to have a celebration of the upcoming birth... however it was brought to my attention that it needed to meet her criteria, I won't go into detail, so at that point I decided to stop so that it would not be like the wedding showers that her mother took over even though my daughter was the maid of honor, we were originally not invited until I found out. So I said fine no problem no "shower" So she cried to her mother who is on overload, both money wise and work wise. So her mother is doing exactly what she wants... The mother call me and I explained, but she it still doing it her daughter's way. I feel if I go I would say something and I don't blame her family.

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Glad I had boys
by: Hiness

So I guess I incorrectly expected the DIL's to check to see if there was anyone in the family on my side that I might want to come to the shower. We are a multiple step etc. group. But I have a first cousin that lives right down the street. I guess I'm always surprise that they wouldn't at least ask. I mean who doesn't want another present? They did this with the wedding too. Didn't even ASK before sending out the invites. I guess no one reads etiquette books anymore. A grandbaby is an addition to the entire family, not just the immediate family. I am so glad I had sons. I would have never survived raising girls. Too much drama. Heaven forbid I wanted one person to come to the baby shower and meet my DIL. I guess I'm more upset that they don't even think to ask.

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mixed up and sad.
by: Sharon

I am going to be a grandma in November.
I want to be as supportive as I can without being pushy, but I don't want to be pushed out either. I have offered to make a big cake for the shower and now told to make sandwiches and organise games. Which I don't mind at all, but I have been told only my daughter,(aunty) mother in law (great gran)and myself are allow to come.my sister (great aunt) who is extremely close to my son, has not been invited. This is making me really sad as we are a close family. Should I leave it, or ask if she can come? My daughter in laws mum is hosting.

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mil drama
by: Anonymous

Yes she may be a mother in law but hopefully won't be "that type". Mine is manipulative and can be Just awful at times. Maybe if they tried harder not to be a pain to their daughter in laws they would be invited! Lol

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Mother in law keeps adding people to the invites
by: Anonymous

What if the mother in law stocks up your list for invites with people you don't know and don't want to contribute and the mother and friend are paying for the shower? What is the proper thing to keep the list at a minimum ?

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Throw one! Forget etiquette.
by: Anonymous

Maybe mother in laws should express their desire right from the very start. Or throw a baby shower for their side of the family. Mothers to be are often surprise by coworkers and friends and may not have been consulted as to who they would like to be there. If the mother in law is not within the circles that throw the party such as work or close friend then is not the daughters in laws fault. Throw her a party too! Let her know how you would like to help her before and after baby is born. Anyways my mother in law was willing to throw me a party or assist me with mine but after the initial excitement and me looking for a venue (it was going to be unisex and an at least 50 people mainly family) I have not really heard much or the conversation as no longer come up. I was trying to find and affordable venue and option but still waiting to see want she decided. Over 60% will be from my hubby's side of the family. My family are over 1000 miles away. Feeling a bit confused. We shall see...

And yes forget baby shower etiquette do what makes you and mother to be happy.

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MIL left out
by: Anonymous

I love my daughter in law as if she were my own. She is having several showers and I have not been invited to any of them. My feelings are hurt. Should I have said something to my son that I am upset that I wasn't invited at all.

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LOL
by: Anonymous

I bet Anonymous is one of "those" mother in laws...lol!

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Any little bit of help helps
by: Grandma To Be

I agree that there can be times that the mother-in-law is not able to help out due to circumstances like distance, money and time restraints. But just because she is unable to host, there are other ways to show her support. I was not one of the hostesses for my daughter in law's baby shower last weekend, but I did make sure I called to see if there was ANYTHING I could do just to make the day run smoother. I ended up making cupcakes for the dessert table and helping to run some games while the hostesses checked some things in the kitchen. I was happy to help out where I could. I am so excited to see my new grandchild!!

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What's up?
by: Anonymous

What is up will all these rude "mothers-to-be"? Their mother-in-law is their baby's grandmother the same as her mother is. She better stop and think. One of these days she may be a mother-in-law!

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