No Baby Shower Offers

by Raylyn

I have less than two months before my baby boy will be here. I have a large group of friends (they are all from my church) but no one has offered to throw me a shower, though the fact of me having a shower has been mentioned. What I mean is, people would say "are you going to your shower" or "when is your shower?" but no one has actually offered to throw me one. It almost feels like people are playing a game of "Not it!"

My husband and I live in a tiny studio apartment too small for even the new baby, so having a "sip and see" here would be out of the question.

Time is running out and I am starting to feel so sad. I can't give anyone an answer about my shower date. I have made it clear that I don't know what's going to happen with the shower since no one has stepped forward, and I just get back comments to let them know when it is going to be. Does this mean I am just not having a shower or should I just throw one myself?

Our Answer:

Hi Raylyn,

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! It can be hard when you get to the last couple months when you haven't had any baby shower offers. Baby shower etiquette has changed a lot over the years, and depending on the area of the world you live in, the rules can be more firm or flexible. But only thing that hasn't changed over the years in etiquette is the fact that it is improper for a mom-to-be to host her own baby shower.

There could be a number of reasons that no one has stepped up to offer to host a baby shower for you. Hosting a baby shower and putting together all of the details can be a lot of work and can actually cost a good amount of money. So it could be a time restraint thing and it could be a budget thing that is causing people to not offer to host a party for you.

I am of the opinion that every child does deserve to be celebrated. They are a gift. You can continue to drop hints to your friends to see if someone is willing to step up and host one for you. But it does happen sometimes unfortunately. Some of my closest friends that host A LOT of baby showers are people who did not get one themselves. I think that they go out of their way now to help others feel loved because they know how it feels to not get a celebration.

I would normally recommend a "sip and see" or "meet and greet" after the baby is born, but you mentioned that you do not have room at your apartment for that. I don't know if you have someone like a mom or close friend that would be willing to let you use their space so you can invite guests over to meet your new baby.

One thing you can do, though. I don't know how much it will help or not. With my last child, he of course went past his due date. :-) Instead of getting upset and sad like I wanted, I decided to celebrate his due date. We took the family out for dinner and had a nice fun celebration with pictures to show him when he gets older how we celebrated his birthday but he was too comfortable to come out and join us. ;) You can do kind of the same thing as the due date comes closer. Have a family birthday party the night before the due date or the week before if you are not sure how far you will go. Eat birthday cake, have balloons, take pictures. I promise it really helps you feel better!

Whether you end up getting a baby shower or not, people will still often give gifts once the baby is born to show they care. So the people around you will still be showing their love, even if it is a different way than you would like.

I hope that helps. Best of luck with the cute baby on the way.

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wise answer
by: Anonymous

What a gracious and wise answer! I will be more thoughtful of my pregnant friends after reading this question.

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