Upset Daughter In Law

I have 3 daughter in laws, and 2 are currently pregnant. I am hosting a party for both daughter in laws and one of the pregnant daughter in laws asked to assist with the planning. My mother also will be helping.

The daughter in law that is not pregnant is now mad because I did not ask her to assist with one of the parties and stated to my son that I did not have proper etiquette. Should I have asked all three daughter in laws to assist? One of the daughter in laws requested to help and since we had three people already hosting, I did not ask.

Was I wrong? What is proper etiquette?

Our Answer:

Hi, thanks for your etiquette question. I am suspecting there are some underlying hurt feelings on your daughter in law's part. You did not do anything wrong as far as etiquette is concerned. Although hostesses can request help if needed by other family members, both of your daughter in laws wanted to help, but only one came forward to vocalize it.

It sounds like your daughter in law feels left out since she is neither pregnant nor helping to plan the baby showers.

Since the baby shower is for both pregnant daughters in law, perhaps the best move is to include the pregnant daughter in law who wants to help into the details, but not necessarily make her "a hostess". That way you separate the party givers from the party receivers.

This will free up 1 hostess position for your daughter in law who is willing and able to help you plan the party.

P.S. I was a little confused on whether there is one party for both or 2 parties (one for each daughter in law). My answer is based on only one party. If there are 2 parties you can let me know in the comment section (also include whether the upset daughter in law is helping for one already or not) and I will give you advice concerning it.

Thanks and good luck planning the baby shower!

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Keep the family peace
by: Anonymous

I know the hurt feelings were unintentional, so I would sit down with my daughter in law in this scenario. The fact that she voiced her disappointment tells me that she would like to be more involved in the family celebration. You can apologize for hurting her feelings, let her know it was unintentional, that you love and respect her and would like her to be a part of the celebration by hosting. Then if it seems like she is open to be a part of the hosting, let her see where she can help and bring her into the planning. Anything you can do to keep the family peace will really help your future relationship with her.

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