Who Should Host The Baby Shower

by Beth
(Norco, California)

Is A Mother In Law Allowed To Host The Baby Shower?

Here are two questions we received on the subject.

~Question sent in from Beth of Norco, California ~

Q. Should I, as the mother in law, host a shower for my family and friends or should someone else in my family host it. I would pay but is it correct etiquette for the mother in law to host?

Our Answer:

Hi Beth,

Thank you for your baby shower etiquette question. Anyone but the mother-to-be is allowed to host a baby shower by etiquette rules. The only time (as the mother in law) that you would not be allowed to host the baby shower is if it was a grandma baby shower. At a grandma baby shower, the grandma (you) would be the guest of honor and close friends would help you get ready for visits from your grandchild.

But I am guessing this is a traditional baby shower that is being thrown for your daughter in law, in which it is perfectly acceptable for you to host.

I hope that answers your question. Good Luck with the baby shower!!

~ Question sent in from Marni of Ontario, Canada ~

Q. I thought it a little inappropriate for the mother-in-law to give a shower for her daughter-in-law, or the mother to give a shower for her daughter. Does this still hold true?

Our Answer:

Hi Marni,

Thank you for your etiquette question. Actually, etiquette rules have changed a bit with baby showers. Current etiquette rules state that anyone except the mom-to-be can host the baby shower. It is quite the norm now to see the grandma-to-be host the baby shower for the pregnant mommy. It is still inappropriate for the mom to be to host her own shower.

I hope that helps!

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Mother-in-law hosting
by: Anonymous

As a mother-in-law, may I host a lunch for the mommy-to-be. This NOT a baby shower

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Out Of State Hostess
by: Nisha- Editor

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for contacting us. I am so sorry that you have to deal with such a difficult situation when trying to support your baby sister for the baby shower. It is unfortunate that things like this sometimes do happen when dealing with family and personalities. Looking at the situation, your youngest sister has already said she only wants one baby shower. The email your received from the sister that has already planned everything sounds like she has given you an out from hosting if you would like one. So it looks like you have 2 options at this point...

1. Contribute to the party financially as asked. This part kind of sucks because you did not get to help put anything together. :-( If you don't think it is stepping on any toes, you could possibly look at the list that she gave you for what they are doing and add something on top of it to give it a little more finesse with the decorations or food. (But I would only do this if you were sure it wouldn't cause waves with the other sisters.)

2. Politely thank her for thinking of you and let her know that it looks like she has everything covered. Come the party as a guest and use your resources to make a fabulous gift for your sister. This way you can enjoy the party as a guest without the stress of hosting and organizing. ;)

I agree that it was poor etiquette for your sisters to exclude you from the party planning. I don't know if was due to you living far away and them not wanting to inconvenience or put too much on you with traveling to come to the party.

Whichever option you choose, please try to make the party as special as you can for your little sister. Miscommunication and hurt feelings can often happen with special events like this. My advice is to take the high road and try to make the most of the situation. Just because you were not able to participate in the planning of the party doesn't mean you can't help your sister feel special in your own way. Think of ways that you can help her and show your love for her.

I hope that helps. Best of luck with the baby shower. :)

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really need some advise or a pep talk on how to handle this
by: Lisa

So my baby sister ( youngest in a set of twins) is having her first child and she only wants to have one big shower with both our family and her husbands family. A month ago I mentioned to one of the sisters that I really would like to be a co-host and plan this party with them. Because I live out of state and I won't be able to travel back home for the arrival I feel its important that I support my sister in this way.

After speaking to my mother I learned that his sisters have already planed the party and have not consulted me or my other sister at all. And they have established the expectation that we are to contribute financially.

So I sent an email out to both of them explaining that I wanted to start planning things for the shower and that I feel that it would be best for us to pool our resources and plan together. since mom to be has requested one shower instead of two.

The sister planning the shower is controlling and very difficult personality type. and responded back with all the plans she has already made and basically brushed me off saying If I can contribute money that would be great but they don't need my help. How do I handle this. Its really important to me to plan a fabulous shower for my sister. I feel like its poor etiquette on her part? And how do I tell my sister that we want to throw her a separate shower or do I just suck it up and only attend as a guest. I appreciate your insight and recommendation for this current scenario as well as any recommendations to communicate proper etiquette to this person.

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Go for it!
by: Anonymous

I've been to a lot of baby showers over the years, and most of them have been hosted by the mother or the mother-in-law of the expecting mother. It is totally fine to host one. This is your chance to help your grandchild to have all the supplies he/she needs. I say, Go for it...and have fun! ;)

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