Who should I invite?

by Karen
(Orange County, California)

I have some friends and family that live far away in other states. I really doubt that they will make it to my baby shower unless they are able to coordinate it with a trip that they were already planning on making.

Should I send them an invitation or would they take it as if I were just trying to get them to send a gift?

Thank you

Our Answer:

Hi Karen. Thanks for your etiquette question. In most cases, a birth announcement is the best way to let people know of the new baby coming to your family. If you would like to send an invitation, I would reserve it to close, immediate family and/or very close friends.

The rule that I like to go by is if you feel comfortable calling them to ask if they would like an invitation, then they are probably close enough friends/family to send it to. People you rarely are in contact with should get a birth announcement instead.

I hope this helps! Good Luck With Your Baby Shower!

NOTE: We have received many requests about out of town/state relatives and friends. It seems that our original advice is being missed so we are adding it to our questions pages. Please note that in "MOST" circumstances, a birth announcement is more proper and better received than an invitation to a baby shower.

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Comments for Who should I invite?

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GREED
by: Anonymous

Oh please, people are so damn greedy. If you don't see or talk to someone often, don't invite them to a shower. Show some class people. Hey for those of you who apparently lack it, put "class" on one of your ever greedy registries.

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Be honest
by: Anonymous

The best way to decide whether or not you invite guests who aren't within a comfortable driving distance of your shower is to openly reflect on your motives. If you're truly close to this person, you're likely to know if they're planning to be in the vicinity of your shower on the date it's held. If they have notified you of a trip that coincides with your shower date and location, then they'd probably be thrilled to be invited!

Otherwise, let's be honest with ourselves and each other. Not many of us would feel slighted if we live in upstate New York and don't receive an invitation to jet over to southern California for a 4-hour party, no matter how much we love the mother-to-be and would enjoy her company. Realistically, showers don't provide an opportunity to spend much quality time with the guest of honor.

A birth announcement is much more appropriate and avoids what could very well be perceived as a thinly veiled gift request. And in this economy, it's especially nice to be considerate of people's financial restrictions, which even your closest friends and family members may not openly share with you.

Or, maybe it's best to skip the above advice and just ask yourself, very honestly, if you would like to be invited to travel long distance to your potential invitee's shower?

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Soooooo Helpful!
by: Anonymous

I had no idea what I should do and this has put my mind at ease! Thanks!

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Should you invite guests you have not spoke to in 6+ months?
by: Anonymous

Hello, should you invite a guest that you have not seen or spoke to in over 6 months?
Just looking for opinions and advice. Thank you!

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Out of State Baby Shower Invitation
by: Anonymous

I received a baby shower invitation for my husband's 'distance' cousin's daughter. We live in the Midwest and she lives out West. I considered this another opportunity to get yet some more money/gift card. The bridal shower and wedding were out west, too. Mind you, we sent a gift for each of those events, and the 'daughter' has been to town since her wedding. We have not seen her or her parents in a couple of years, so, yes - when I received the baby shower invitation -I wrote a note wishing them the best and sorry I won't be able to attend... no money and no gift card. Enough is Enough. In my opinion, this invitation is very obviously for the money or gift card.

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Exactly what I was looking for!
by: Virginia

I'm hosting my sister's shower and my mother, who now lives in another state, doesn't think I should send invites to other out-of-the-area relatives. She thinks it would be seen as a money-grabber, I think it would be rude not to send the invitation. I think I will stick to my instincts and invite them all. Thanks!

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