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Miscarriage After Shower

I am having my first child after years of trying and IVF. I already have people mentioning wanting to throw me a shower. Due to the fact that the Dr. says I may need to go on bed rest early on and that he is pretty sure I will deliver early, my friends are talking about throwing a party 3 or so months before the due date.

What is the etiquette if, god forbid, I lose the baby after the shower occurs? I know it is a terrible thing to think about, but I would want to know if you are supposed to return everything to everyone or keep for a potential future child. Do you leave tags and names on everything 'just in case' and assign someone the task?

thanks

Our Answer:

First of all, congratulations! I have known a few people in your situation and a new baby on the way is always great news! Of course your friends and family must be ecstatic; you deserve a fabulous baby shower.

You are very considerate to be thinking of your guests should something happen with the pregnancy. This is where your hostess comes in to your rescue. Let her know of your concerns. Since she is in charge of the shower, she will become the person in charge of the presents from the shower.

You will have so much on your mind that there is no way you can focus on something as presents from a shower. Let her take on the responsibility of contacting your guests and offering to return the gift. This is the proper etiquette response for the situation.

Your guests of course will have the choice whether to receive it back or donate it for a future pregnancy. If you are worried about a pregnancy loss, it also would be a good idea to keep the tags on the gifts, just in case.

Good Luck with your pregnancy. I hope everything goes well for you!

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Comments for Miscarriage After Shower

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starstarstarstarstar 		Difficult situation..
by: Anonymous

My daughter had a stillbirth. The father's mother requested all of the things back that she had previously bought for the baby. the things were returned but it only added more bad feelings to an already sad situation.
Rating
starstarstarstarstar 		Very sad and traumatic
by: Nisha- Editor

Miscarriage is a very sad and traumatic thing to go through. I had 2 sisters whose babies were stillborn. As a family member, it can rip your heart in two as you watch the pain and grief. I personally would have no problem with a second baby shower. I can only imagine the hope and the fear a new pregnancy can bring. Whether she gave back the gifts or used them to pay for the burial, it shouldn't matter. I know if she would have kept the gifts that she would be more prepared for baby #2. But please understand a little of what she went through. If anything, a baby shower will help to show she is still loved in spite of everything she has been through. Hope that helps. :)
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starstarstarstarstar 		2nd baby?
by: Anonymous

Similar story...the girl returned all her baby shower gifts after stillborn and used the money towards funeral costs and whatever else. Few months later got pregnant again and is now wanting a shower bc she doesn't have anything. I feel bad for thinking this way, but it doesn't seem right to me.
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starstarstarstarstar 		What to do with shower gifts when baby is stillborn
by: Anonymous

4 days after my daughters shower her baby's heart stopped beating. She delivered 3 days later. Everyone was contacted about the gifts and everyone said they didn't want the gifts back. That they would give us the receipts if we wanted. So we ask how they would feel if we put the money towards her headstone. And we were told that was an excellent idea.

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